That Moment That Got Me Off My Feet

With a new year usually brings the hope of new things on the horizons, new ideas, new YOU, all those fun things.

I've never been one for resolutions or lofty goals to fall short on. The last few years I have maintained to seek out a word for the year and keep it in mind while seeing how God would best use it that year.

This year I am still searching for that word, but I did sit down near the beginning of the year to jot down some ideas. Short and sweet, so as to be attainable. Perhaps some are too general, but I consider them a working list to be tweaked along the way.

Many of the items are for personal growth or to cultivate better family relationships, making more time for others, better prayer time and the like. A few of the other things on my list for the new year are to be more intentional, but also being present to those around me. I also strive to be content and more laid back. (Well, at least a little bit more)

Let the things that can BE, just BE. Everything on my list cannot be done today. Everyone's demands optional needs (above and beyond food, clothing, water, shelter, butt wiping, etc) cannot be met by only me at every moment they exactly want them. I realize that I am an on-my-feet-keeping-busy-be-everything-to-everyone gal. You know how I finally saw the light? My Christmas break. Day one of the break was me declaring that nothing above and beyond would be tackled. There would be more time for reading, relaxing, putting my feet up, napping, and watching Christmas movies.

But then came the things. The stuff. The needs of others and of my home.

I couldn't let the whole house go to heck in a hand basket. The thing was, cleaning still needed to happen, laundry done, and meals prepared. I tried to settle my brain and I did keep to some of the things on my list, but I still found that even without schooling in our days I was still on my feet and busy.

Late in the afternoon on New Year's Eve, I finally sat down for 10 minutes because I was so gosh darn tired. My toddlers' radar instantly beamed in that something was terribly wrong. In almost unison, both said "mommy, what are you doing?" When I replied that I was just sitting down for a few minutes to rest they looked at me with question marks in their eyes. And then proceeded to jump on me and snuggle in as close as possible.

In that moment something broke through. Something said that I needed a change, even the slightest.

I have felt weary for probably the length of my girls' lives. Irish twins do that to you. That season took me to my knees in fits of desperate, crying out prayer as much as it took me to my feet in wearing daily the much more busy mantle of motherhood.

But in that moment nearly two weeks ago, I realized that the season is different now. I suddenly saw that taking a step back, changing my intentions and approach, would lead me to better places spiritually, physically, and emotionally. It has meant setting aside more to-do's that my perfectionist heart desires to accomplish and instead enjoying the feeling of furniture beneath my body. It allowed me to listen to my heart on more than one occasion and engage my children enough to let them voice their feelings. While I still take care of what needs to be handled daily, I'm trying to manage my time better. I'm finding simple ways to bond with my children and husband, while also making progress in the things I'd like to be doing. I sit down and read a book to engage my brain at least once a day.

These things are bringing me more peace and happiness.

These things are filling my cup.

These things are making the resistant potty trainee a bit more understood.

These things are helping me to just "Let it Go."


Never underestimate the power of a moment or the simple truths spoken from the mouths of our children.

Tugging Heartstrings

I remember well the phone call. I remember the sadness that clung to my heart. I remember the months when I could not blog here because I just simply couldn't. I lost the longing for the familiar connections and felt there were no words to be said.

While the days, weeks and months passed, a hidden part of me was paralyzed and found settling in difficult. A "normal" that didn't include a member of my family who had always been there was simply difficult to comprehend.

Caught off guard and unprepared to lose my grandpa, that December day and that phone call still echo in my head.The movements of the following days in which the the family who gathered to say goodbye were mixed with familiar hometown faces.

One year later, my thoughts turn to fond memories and many stories I heard through the years. I still hear his voice and see his every movement from my last visit with him just a few weeks prior. His bushy eyebrows, his hardworking, but softened hands, the way he looked at grandma and his hearty laugh.

Not surprisingly, just six month later, grandma joined him. As in life, so too in death, their souls longed to be together.

This Advent, I am comforted by the hope that they are together in heaven. I am consoled by the peace that I pray their eternity brings.

And yet, there is the finality that the sight of dates on a gravestone brings.

The bittersweet parts of our hope and our faith that touch our heartstrings a little more deeply on days such as this.

Balm To The Soul

Last week I had the honor to to meet up with two of the most lovely bloggers. In the evening I received an invite from Jamie to a get together with Margaret the following day. It somehow turned into a game changer. Or maybe just a reset along the path.

Have you ever had that feeling when something just isn't right? I've felt it for months, wearing on my heart and soul. That unsettled feeling that makes me restless, anxious, stressed, grouchy and therefore makes the every day wear and tear grueling, unhappy.

Sometimes it's a blog post that you read that inspires, a conversation or an impromptu visit with a friend, that helps get out of the rut. Out of the funk. God provides us with the opportunities to get out of ourselves, see a new light and smile again.

It's tough because feeling like hiding and internalizing a whole lot of stuff is just easier, especially when you can't quite put your finger on what's wrong. 

Then a series of events happens or just one that changes your outlook, snaps you back to reality and draws you closer to God, your spouse and your family. 

Processed over days, a moment of clarity arises during an early morning conversation at the kitchen sink. A long list of changes, deaths I was unprepared for, changes in my children's seasons, transitions in motherhood, waning prayer time, outside demands of me and my time.

It all added up.

It all challenged me and took away my peace. Slowly, but steadily and therefore making the climb out of it that much more difficult.

Then the clouds broke and the sun shone in the form of a smiling face and small conversation while running around after our children. 

It helped the process of slowly chiseling away at the sadness, the unknown, the loneliness. All that has kept me from being able to live fully and trust in God's amazing ways.

All of the things that while seemingly small and hidden, found their way to grate and grind away at my true happiness in my heart and soul. 

Friends of the heart and a good laugh are a good medicine.

And sometimes that seemingly simple invitation, setting aside other plans and expecting God to show up, is exactly when He will.

**Read Margaret's version of our get together over here. She speaks more eloquently than I. 

Sometimes I'm A Crazy Person

I felt something come splash across my face and the whole left side of my body.

A quick glance began a sequence of less than perfect mommy moments.

She was only trying to help and doing as she's told like she had a bazillion other times. But this time when she brought the almost full milk jug out of the fridge it somehow slipped and came crashing to the floor.

My initial reaction was that it wasn't so bad, just a puddle on the floor that somehow managed to reach me a couple feet away. But then, then, I saw it every.where. and I freaked like the inner crazy woman I am.

Whoever coined the phrase 'don't cry over spilled milk' has never stood in their kitchen witnessing streams of milk trickling down an entire wall, floor and cabinets. 

I won't lead you through all the even and angry words that spewed forth like a lunatic on a rampage, but I was upset. I had so many other things to be done that I was already in the midst of that day and I just didn't have time for this inconvenience .

It got better, eventually, when I was done with my inner meltdown and the crabby exterior that clouded the next couple of hours.

It was this minor incident that led to endless opportunity for analysis on me and my human imperfections. Sometimes it's things like this that call me out as a better mom, wife and person when I actually stop to reflect on them.

Just recently I had been striving to live more faithfully my vocation each day and roll with the punches. How I wish that I were better at being a saint, remaining calm when in peril and generally being less human.

On my hands and knees soaking up milk and scrubbing the floor, I was caught off guard at the lesson that was intricately woven in a jug of milk. Smack dab right there in it was the reminder of my need, my quest for His grace each day and my dependence on those around me to help me daily win heaven. It's the choices, the virtues I exhibit and cultivate along the way that are not always easy for little me. 

It was a lesson in humility, forgiveness and the realization that I'm still a very long way away from the best me I can be.

If I can attain the life of virtue, being a good Christian/Catholic and a living witness of Christ, I won't be crying over things like spilled milk.

Or exhibiting my inner nut case.

But sometimes I need the spilled milk to give me the reality check my soul really needs.

Emerging

 If you are wondering why I've been hidden over here for the last few weeks, read on.

If not and you are like I have been with minimal time to read catch up posts from estranged bloggers, click on past since there's really not a whole lot monumental in this post.

Sometimes our vocation calls us away from the online world to draw us back closer to our real world. Much to the chagrin of the blogger, we back away and hope to return soon.

I'm hoping to get back into the swing of things here in order to reconnect. The chapter of summer is closing and routine is resuming, so hopefully my days and weekends will allow for time again to nurture my own spirit (and hopefully yours) with more writing again.

When July's calendar was awfully full, I eagerly awaited to turn the page on August thinking it wouldn't nearly be so bad. What awaited me were a number of unexpected things that really didn't fill my calendar, but did consume parts of my days and parts of me.

It was little things like finishing off my lesson plans for school that demanded extra attention and uninterrupted times to get accomplished. Thankfully, I was able to plug away at the lesson plans during naptime, evenings and finally on a Saturday when hubby sent me to his work office to finish the last bit of it. Sure, with the help of my Homeschool Tracker, I can plan more easily our hodge podge of school subjects from numerous sources, but it's still time consuming.

Right around that same time, the unexpected event of potty training entered the scene. While the end goal and big girl underwear was a welcome step, the actual potty training has never been my favorite season as a mom. Gianna was ready and we pressed on. Looking at it on this side, with several days now without accidents, her actually telling me she needs to go and her sweet little bottom in BIG GIRL UNDIES....well, it makes it all worth it. Sure, there have been setbacks and less than perfect days, but we have come a long way and have much more success. In a month, I'd say that wasn't bad.

It seems that the enticement of stickers and M&M's (3 for every time she went potty) worked for Gianna. Oh, and as with all my kids, the ultimate goal of a Potty Party. Coming soon!

Last weekend we had our summer's last hurrah and we picked the perfect day to go to a local water park. It was well into the 90's and unknown to us until we arrived, it was the last day of the summer season at the pool which entitled us to 1/2 off admission. Extra hurrah!

While we've been preoccupied with life in our household, my extended family has been dealing with their own set of life changes. My dad and his siblings decided that it was time to move forward and make the difficult decision to put my grandparents into the nursing home. While this was an inevitable change that was in the future, it wasn't until the last two weeks that it became evident the time was now. In only the recent months have my grandparents needs and health changed enough that they could not be cared for by just family members at home any longer. My grandpa's hospitalization earlier in the summer and another more recent one, began to put into motion plans to move he and grandma sooner rather than later. While I am not nearly affected so much in this decision, it does mean changes for everyone and some that my grandma especially, is not ready to make. A prayer or two would still be appreciated as everyone makes this transition and hopefully things get a little easier.

And here we are, Labor Day weekend. How did another summer whisk us away so quickly?

I'm looking forward to Tuesday knowing that it's not our first official day of school for once. We're already 8 days in and still getting our feet wet rather than me scurrying about still fretting about the 'perfect' first day.

Time moves on and another summer passes while we move into a new and yet familiar routine.

As we settle back in I'll be looking forward to hopefully reading more from each of you, commenting when possible and posting a little more again

We'll see what happens this week as I have a very special project for hubby (our 12th anniversary is next Sunday) I need to get busy on. I'm sure I'll share it when it's complete. *wink*

Sometimes Quiet

The quiet doesn't happen much here. 

Well, here on my blog, it does.

HERE, at my house, it does not.

Quiet lends itself to thought.

Quiet leads me to focus on others and not myself or the long list of to-do.

Quiet reminds me that God is here, even when my world is spinning loudly.

It allows me to nurture.

To breathe before the height of the busy season before me comes crashing in.

Recently, my husband said "I need to get out to your blog and read it. I don't remember the last post I read." To which I replied, "That's OK, you haven't missed much. It doesn't matter any way, you live my blog with me in real life, in real time. You don't need to read about it." 

He came back with "I know, but I like to read your blog and what you write about. Plus, I enjoy reading the comments." I laughed because what was just as fun for me (reading blogs and the comments), he hinted was equally rewarding for him.

The weeks ahead will be full enough and there will be plenty to blog about, rest assured.

IF Spring ever comes, there will be lots to do and enjoy outside again.

I've got an almost eight year old boy with a birthday and a sacramental celebration in a couple weeks.

School to try and drag out wrap up in another six weeks.

Swimming lessons for the big kids next month.

A certain homeschool conference that we just registered for.

Perhaps more potty training willingness from Gianna will lead to more success.

And so many other things that keep popping up that make my head spin.

It looks like my husband will have lots of catching up to do when he does finally get around to reading here.

He'd probably agree that it's more fun just living it and thinking about how awesome it would come across in a blog post.

I hope that you are finding days that allow for the sometimes quiet in your life too.

New Year, New Word

 Maybe you recall my post last year declaring my word for the year?

I'll remind you, just in case. My word was TRANQUILITY.

There I was on the brink of a new year with the impending birth of my little Irish twin, filled with anxiety. How would I manage? How would things get done? Would I survive?

Tranquility didn't come easy and the challenge to strive for it became nearly impossible some days. It did, however, prove to be the word I needed as a reminder in 2012. God did bless us and every day supplied the steady drip of grace I required to thrive.

My plaque reminder sat on the windowsill above the kitchen sink the entire year. Some days, the word was lost and forgotten. Other days, at the forefront of my mind and in my heart. You see, there were plenty of times my mind or my spirit were agitated. Many others, both of them were quite agitated. I did learn a lot though this year and grew in humility as my human perfection was tested.

As the year came to a close, new words for the new year floated in and out. Being a perfectionist, I was eager to lay my eyes upon the right word, the perfect word. As tranquility strengthened me last year and helped me grow, I prayed that a new word would be one to reflect and draw upon.

There are so many words that can help us, aren't there? So many virtues on which to grow, so many inspirations on which to draw upon.

I had my 'final three' list of choices and then asked my husband if any of them jumped out at him for areas that could be a focus for me this year. He came up with similar answers that I had and they left me feeling a bit unsure. They just didn't 'grab' me like tranquility had.

I read all of your nice words that many of you had chosen for 2013 and felt inspired, so I kept praying that something would jump out at me.

I read Cari's word and then turned for heavenly guidance once again to lead me in a new direction.

I later opened up my Google reader and as I scanned the post list a word jumped off the screen.

Nurture

 the process of caring for and encouraging the growth or development 

 of someone or something

As I stared at the word it became evident that this word actually encompassed the other words I had pondered in the days prior. 

You see, some things were put on the back burner during the past year as my needs at home required me to be present here more. There were some friendships and relationships that didn't get tended to quite as often. Some of my spiritual needs weren't always met or cultivated, my domestic heart was lacking many days as we strove just to survive and sometimes kindness, cheerfulness, patience and the like were lost between the cracks.

I want to spend this year nurturing the things that were left behind in 2012.

Nurture my family.

Nurture me and my motherhood.

Nurture relationships/friendships.

Nurture my prayer life and spiritual needs.

Nurture hobbies.

Nurture my domestic church, my home.

I'd say 2013 will be filled with many opportunities to foster and nurture so many areas of my life.

It will surely lead to hardships, milestones and adventures that will help me to nurture more fruitfully.

No doubt it should be an interesting year of catching up.

I look forward to it.

Sometimes The Race Is Tiring

After last night's main event, I've felt like I am in an Election Hangover today.

No, my guy did not win and take the Presidency.

No, my state amendment to keep marriage between one man and one woman did not pass.

No, my U.S. Senator was not elected.

Disappointed, very disappointed. For me, for my family, for my children. For all of us.

But somewhere in the midst of today while my heart still heals, I saw several postings from today's Mass readings:

'Do everything without grumbling or questioning,

that you may be blameless and innocent,

children of God without blemish

in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation,

among whom you shine like lights in the world,

as you hold on to the word of life,

so that my boast for the day of Christ may be

that I did not run in vain or labor in vain.'

My husband also shared this with me from today's office of readings:

' The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away;

blessed be the name of the Lord!

We accept good things from God;

and should we not accept evil?'

Let our hearts not grow weary in fighting the fight and let us always stand on guard protecting our children and our families.

Our Lady of Hope, Pray For Us!

   

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Due to the fact that I'm just plain tired of the politics, tomorrow I'll bring a fun, new post from a guest blogger.

Perhaps that will at least put something in your reader to smile over.

Until then, may our hearts be light, our prayers more powerful than before and may we rise up even stronger.

Latest And Greatest: A Few Of My Favorite Things

Some days there is nothing quite like home and hearth.

When the breeze blows cold, the kids are tired/cranky and baby is teething, I find joy in the simplest pleasures.

Keeping life simple keeps me sane and happy. (I'm easy to please, aren't I?)

What are some of my new loves, you may ask?


Well, let me share just a few......

A quick search while recently at Walmart led me to the limited edition Better Homes and Gardens candle that exudes autumn:

Candied Caramel Pecan

When I can't be in the kitchen, at least my house smells like I have been.

Another Walmart score was a little something for my crusty, cracked spent-too-much-time-barefoot-this-summer feet:

Bare Foot lotion in Peppermint + Plum

With the first few applications I could already notice the difference. Smells good and greatly improved my feet--double hooray!

Another electronic device made it into our household just over a month ago. While I don't generally think myself a tech geek or find the need for the latest and greatest gadgets, when I laid my eyes upon this one I was hooked:

Samsung Galaxy tab

There I was at Sam's Club just checking them out and then I held it and tried using it. A phone call to hubby and we agreed that the price was right. Plus, we made it out wedding anniversary gift and my birthday gift, so we were covered.

Yes, I'm spoiled. And double yes, I love my tab!



When one buys their new electronic gizmo, there are oodles of new possibilities. I'd been familiar with Apple apps on my iPod, but very unfamiliar with Android apps.

At first gander, I really didn't like the Droid apps. A little more time at the Play Store and I discovered a few that I like to tinker on.

My new favorite CATHOLIC app would have to be


Laudate



Not only is it FREE, it has a plethora of all-things-Catholic on there. To add to the wonderful prayers that are right at your fingertips, there is the entire Catholic Catechism, Bible, Rosary and Liturgy of the Hours.

My favorite part would be the daily readings. If I can't read through them, I can listen to a podcast instead. I also enjoy the meditations that are also podcasts and from excerpts of Pope Benedict's writings.

How awesome is that?!

Well, there you have it. My newest edition of  favorite things in a nutshell.

How about you? What's rockin' your world? Have a favorite Android app you want to share?

Happy Weekend!!

Beginnings And Ends

Preparing to bid farewell to another summer gone too fast, I find myself playing the game of catch-up.

The beginning of summer bloomed promising. There were going to be so many things done, so many projects finished, so much accomplished. Well, that's not completely true. In my mind, although I wanted to do so many things and try to make the summer super fun for the kids, I knew it was merely going to be about survival.

After being pregnant the last two summers, this summer we were reaping the reward of those two pregnant summers...two healthy little girls. We were just going to focus on the juggling act of daily living and merely survive.

And you know what? We didmake it. We even made some great memories along the way and managed to fill the summer with plenty of activity.

As I took all four kids by myself to the county fair last week, I thought about beginnings and ends. There was no way I would've thought of venturing out on my own with all the kids in public way back in June. Most every outing away from our front porch left me worried and waiting for just when the dreaded meltdown of one of the little girls would happen. Yes, they are very good girls for a toddler and a baby, but you know how that is, right? It's the fear and the what-ifs that can scare you into never leaving the confines of your yard again. It was one such meltdown and screaming/crying bout that almost sent me to the convent running.

Instead, I stayed. We all thrived and grew and suddenly we are coming to summer's end and I can grasp more fully the beauty of the moment. The ability to breathe without anxiety in my chest and fear in my head.

Beginnings and ends teach us a lot throughout life, don't they? Sometimes a path we started on didn't lead to the obvious ending we originally sought out. Something that in the beginning was so exciting and new may have just ended in regret and disappointment.

Think of a good book. It maybe wasn't the greatest read when you started out, but then you fell in love with the characters and you could barely set it down until you finished reading it.

The perfect job that you find and love, only to lead to a sudden buy-out and you out of work.

Even in pregnancy, most often it either begins or ends with sickness, being uncomfortable and miserable, but then to be rewarded with a beautiful child.

Or even the exercise workout that was going to revolutionize your life, change the way you think about food and make you shed inches, but eventually got monotonous just like the others.

Sometimes if we knew what lay ahead, we may not have even wanted to begin. The other times, we begin and press forward, we live, we learn. Months pass, seasons change, life keeps moving forward.

Now it is August and the stressed mom with the Irish twins rests a little easier. Each day is one more success, one more triumph of a day won. Now a silent tear is shed with thoughts of months quickly gone by and babies and children growing too fast, not a tear of anxiety and life that overwhelms her.

Sometimes the end is bittersweet. Sometimes the end is the beginning of something very wonderful that lies ahead.

Thoughts From The Island

Nope, not a luxurious ISLAND. Although that would be sweet, wouldn't it? In the winter any way.

I'm talking about the kitchen island.

This is the place where a lot of life seems to happen in this house. It's become like my home office space. So many projects come from this one place and so much conversation has happened here.

Today while I am baking up a seemingly ginormous batch of peanut butter cookies (can you smell them? *yum*), I'm pondering how the kitchen is the hub and heart of my home.

It's raining outside again and for some reason it's starting to feel like monsoon season. I've got some things that are heavy on my heart, some unspoken prayers on my mind and many thoughts swirling around. It seemed the perfect day then for baking cookies.

 From here I can see and hear a lot around our house. It's the first thing you see when you walk in the front door and virtually the first thing my husband sees when he comes in from the garage after a hard day at work.

I can also see a lot outside from here too. I feel a certain serenity when I look out the kitchen window and see my back gardens. I've worked hard out there and love to see the fruits of my labor.

I can also see out the patio door and watch the trees beautifully leafing out, pine trees that are growing and obscuring the view of the traffic going by and my other perennial garden that is lush and beginning to bloom.

Many a smile has been shared here by the island. Meals eaten. Contagious laughs unexpectedly happened. Tears shed. Heart to heart chats. Some refereeing. Serious conversations. Family time. Alone time. School time.

While I'm feeling a little restless today, I find consolation in this sacred place the more I think about it.

Tomorrow we'll finish our last day of school for the year from this island. Many new memories will be made from here this summer. More life lessons will be learned.

As I contemplate all of this, I realize that to my family, I am like the kitchen island. I've been reminded numerous times over the years about how the mother is the heart of the home and the family. You know that saying 'If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy' or 'A happy mama makes a happy home.' How true.

As the mother I run a majority of the day to day operations, hold things together and perform many tasks. Just like the island, I provide a place to gather, a solid starting and ending point to the day and endless availability and versatility.

With love, kindness, care, occasionally a stern word and always a hug, I direct the family from the center of our home. Sometimes, with the help of the kitchen island and maybe a cookie or two.

Words Of Wisdom: Don't Blink

Over at Suscipio this week there was this post, which couldn't have come at a better time. In a nutshell, it perfectly cast a light onto all of the worries and fear that have accumulated over the last weeks.

There's something about planning a first birthday party for my baby and at the same time planning for the imminent labor & delivery of another baby. Both, within a week or two of one another.

God is in the details and all will be well. I know this to be true because He's sent me reminders this week that tell me so.

A must read for those of us in the trenches--you know, I never thought it would be ME in THESE trenches. I'm glad it is though because it's going to give me a lot of new perspective of all that matters and will also help me work on that Tranquility thing.

Thank you, Elizabeth Foss, for the beautiful post. I will surely be reading it over and over again.



BTW, the above photo is Gianna as a newborn. No new baby to post about...yet.

Reasons For Hope

Had we lost hope and stopped trying to increase our family size simply because it became too difficult....

I never would've gotten this newest vacuum cleaner model

I never would've beheld the innocence in these beautiful baby blues

I would have missed out on being able to torture my child with this costume on Thanksgiving

I wouldn't be greeted by this child at snack time

I'd miss another helper in the kitchen

We wouldn't have a little girl to call Miss Fancy Pants

Our family would've missed out on this beautiful smile and the girly giggle that goes along with it

This sister wouldn't have a little sister

My heart wouldn't have moments like these to treasure or my eyes have ones such as these to tear up over

I'm find myself especially sentimental during Advent and the Christmas Season. This year is no different, because there were days when being in this place and THIS BLESSED was only a distant hope. I do not forget those days and that feeling. I also do not forget the faith and hope that remained and helped us remain strong.

Especially thankful for my hopeful heart today.

Fluff And Stuff

I'm feeling fluffy today.

No, not fat kind of fluffy, although my baby bump is certainly growing. More of a do-I-really-have-anything-insightful-to-take-the-time-to-type-into-a-post-because-my-readers-deserve-some-new-material-but-I-just-have-randoms-in-my-head-so-I'll-write-a-fluff-post-instead.

You get all that?

Who doesn't like fluff? I like fluffy teddy bears and fluffy slippers and a big fluffy pillow, don't you? I hope you aren't disappointed, but I'm forging ahead with a pregnancy brain, fluffy post. Feel free to leave now if you'd like. I won't mind and I promise that there will surely be more substance back here very soon.

Here we go:

-I'm trying to get myself into Advent. But, as I said here, my brain is still stuck in September. It's a bummer because this is my absolute FAVORITE time of year. I love the preparation, the decorating, the baking and the family time. Now I just need to jump in and get my head in the season.

-Perhaps the above will be better once I start decorating the house and baking cookies. I love when my house is decorated and smelling of Christmas. The last couple years though it's the setting up all the decor and pulling out the bins that is daunting. I blame the belly. Good thing I've got such a helpful and willing hubby.

-Almost all of the Christmas gifts are bought or ordered. I scored a great deal on my photo gifts for several people, so that thrilled me to no end. And, I was offered an Amazon Prime free trial at the beginning of November, so I've been getting some great deals, plus free shipping. Sweet deal, but a little addicting to just go out on Amazon any time and order anything not worrying about shipping. Normally I'd be waiting and combining as much as I can when I order, but with the Prime I've been an orderaholic. Probably not worth it for us personally to actually purchase the Prime, but a sweet deal if you order a ton.

-The kids are growing up too fast. I know we all say that, but it's true. Lily is turning into such a young lady (already)and she is such a mother hen. She checks in with me daily at least once, asking if I've felt the baby move recently. I've never asked her why, but I think even she likes to have the reassurances. Jonah is keeping busy with constantly transforming and changing his Thomas the train sets and redesigning them. School has a few struggles for him, but we're trying to figure them out and work with them. Speaking of school, we are keeping a steady pace since we just have a few weeks until Christmas break, then another month of school and then baby may arrive any time. We'll see where we go from there.

-As for the little lady of the household, Miss Gianna is keeping us all busy and entertained. She is developing a fun personality and is keen on watching us all the time. She's drinking from a sippy cup, can drink from a straw and will self feed at snack time. I cannot believe she is nine months old!



I had her in to the doctor for a check up the other day and she weighed in at 21 lbs. 3 oz. and 29 inches long. Doing well. She absolutely hated the appointment though and she didn't get to show off her fun personality, funny little grin accompanied by scrunched up nose or hear her little laugh. She cried and screamed the.entire.time. And, that even included when the doctor (her Godfather) was checking her over. (Thankfully, she doesn't usually act like that when we see him outside the clinic)I guess she doesn't like non-family members in her space or at least she doesn't at the clinic.

-I find myself craving things and very hungry this week. Perhaps little Gem is going through a growth spurt? I've never really been one for cravings or to have them that long. Even when I have had them while pregnant, I don't usually give in or make my husband go out and get them for me. Coffee (half-caf) is tasting especially yummy and comforting lately. I try to stick with my one grande cup per day, but some days by mid-afternoon the second cup is calling. Sometimes I give in. And how about those advertisements for the Arby's Reuben? Have you seen them?



That is looking scrumptious right now. I should probably pass though since the sauerkraut may do a number on my tummy.


I think that is about it from here. There you go. How's that for a bunch of fluff?

I hope that your first week of Advent is going well. Please stay tuned here, despite the nonsense. Rest assured that I'm still reading from all of you, despite the lack of commenting.

Realities Of Motherhood

The other evening as I rocked Gianna back to sleep I got to thinking.

That alone can be alarming considering that I think my brain is working at only half-power lately.

As I rocked back and forth snuggling my little one I also sat there misty eyed. The day had been long, I was tired, Gianna had been peacefully sleeping and now was suddenly startled and awake again. I had found out that my progesterone number had dropped since last week and I was anticipating another progesterone shot within minutes. I am tired of those things and was so hoping that my number would sustain and get me off of them for the remainder of this pregnancy. No such luck.

I wearily rocked my sweet baby girl as my other baby, current in-belly resident, kicked and moved. I couldn't help but think how it's the beginning of sibling rivalry or perhaps camaraderie. I half embraced the moment as the other half of me became overcome with emotion.

I am human. I am mom and I am wife. Like most moms, I.am.tired.

In that moment the reality of motherhood grasped hold of me and I thought of how overwhelmed and restless I felt. This would all only be magnified when a new little one enters our house in mere months, while I trip over toys, run after a one year old, school my older children and wear my super-mom cape as I fly around the house. I could not imagine how she does it and still remains sane. I pondered for a moment so many women I know who hold in their loving arms child after child who they lovingly raise. Far better are they than I, for being able to care for and manage so many blessings.

Overcome, I then realized that every reality of motherhood and day in the trenches most often can easily be outweighed by the rewards of motherhood. The daily graces that I cling to and desire. Difficult days like these aren't forever and most often don't last, although they seem to pile up and feel like they never end. There are so many good days that are filled with enough moments and memories to fill the mommy scrapbook in my heart.

A peace and serenity came over me.

I looked down at the sleeping baby in my arms, inhaled her sweetness and kissed her one more time before laying her back in the crib. I watched her peaceful sleep and knew that sometimes we need to face the realities in order to more fully see and enjoy the rewards of motherhood.

Although it isn't always glamorous and perfect, this is my vocation and I wouldn't change a thing about my daily reality.

I closed the door and turned to face my other reality-a sharp jab in the behind.

Smile! Your Children Are Watching

During a recent school day, my youngest student caught me off-guard during a particular difficult teaching moment.

"Mom, keep that smile on your face!", he shouted.

I stopped what I was doing and kept the smile.

He smiled back at me and said, "I think I know why some people have a smile on their face ALL the time...."

He paused.

"It's because they don't have children."



While his little observation initially made me laugh, it's given me something to think about since then.

How often do my children see me smiling? So easily I share my grin with a friend or even a complete stranger out of kindness, but not as often with those I love.

Does my face reveal the contentment and joy that fills me on the inside? Sadly, probably not nearly enough.

This has left me wondering how often my children see me happy and know that I feel blessed to be their mom. Too often I am preoccupied with so many things and tasks and demands of daily living. I think that I easily wear that on my face and forget to crack a smile. Worry and anxiety quickly stomp out the true happiness that fills me on the inside.

My son ought to know that children are the light of the household. Children do bring joy and smiles to life. They are a blessing. MY children are all of those things to me and MY house. As his mom I need to remind him of that and show him, even if by a simple smile.

When I least expect it, my children may be watching and gauging the happiness of our household by the smile or furrowed brow that I display. Let my children never wonder if our family is truly happy or if mom and dad love being their parents. A simple smile on my face should be able to reassure them.

In addition to many hugs and 'I love you', what an easy and simple gift I can afford to give them every day.


'Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.' -Mother Teresa

Never Enough Time

Isn't that what it feels like? There never seems to be enough time. An agenda and list is always on the mind and the passing of time is always on the heart.

I've been here before and I'm sure the climatic change from summer to fall nudges me to some degree.

Whether wistful and happily settled or just accepting and resigned, thoughts on time and seasons are never too far away as children grow.

As Baby Gem and my baby belly grow, the weeks of pregnancy seem to zoom by as never before.

Gianna has been crawling now for three weeks and she is moving at such a rapid rate that we cannot believe she ever wasn't mobile. Her stage of exploration just propels her as she's now grown to be our eight month old baby. Again, a reminder that time is fleeting and there never is enough. That newborn babyhood seems like such a distant reality and the corner of walking and her first birthday is within my view.



My boy still surprises me and catches me off-guard when I stop and realize that he is just six (and a half) and not the seven year old I tend to presume. He's taking his own leaps and bounds of change. The biggest one was joining a Tae Kwon Do class just ten minutes away and *loving* it. Surprised as we were, all it took was one time sitting in watching a class to get him committed to it. He looks forward to his Tuesday evenings now and going to class with dad.

The passing of time and season does not go unnoticed by the mother's heart.

Lily turned nine last month and continues to excel and rise to the challenges of a third grader. While cursive writing proves to be a challenge, she has picked up on it amazingly well and continues to improve. She even chose to take on Astronomy this year for Science and is grasping some of those difficult concepts. She is a wonderful helper for me and 'mother hen' to Gianna.



While there doesn't seem to be enough time in each day as the needs of my family grow and change, the priorities and to do lists change as well. It all gets done at some point, although there rarely is time to just sit and rest. I'm trying to adjust and make changes as needed to grow in my vocation and more fully wear that beautiful mantle of motherhood.

These days are passing and making way for a new season to relish and enjoy. They are mine to embrace and build fond memories.


"And when night comes, and you look back over the day and see how fragmentary everything has been, and how much you planned that has gone undone, and all the reasons you have to be embarassed and ashamed: just take everything exactly as it is, put it in God's hands and leave it with him."

-St. Edith Stein