Friday, November 11, 2011
Realities Of Motherhood
The other evening as I rocked Gianna back to sleep I got to thinking.
That alone can be alarming considering that I think my brain is working at only half-power lately.
As I rocked back and forth snuggling my little one I also sat there misty eyed. The day had been long, I was tired, Gianna had been peacefully sleeping and now was suddenly startled and awake again. I had found out that my progesterone number had dropped since last week and I was anticipating another progesterone shot within minutes. I am tired of those things and was so hoping that my number would sustain and get me off of them for the remainder of this pregnancy. No such luck.
I wearily rocked my sweet baby girl as my other baby, current in-belly resident, kicked and moved. I couldn't help but think how it's the beginning of sibling rivalry or perhaps camaraderie. I half embraced the moment as the other half of me became overcome with emotion.
I am human. I am mom and I am wife. Like most moms, I.am.tired.
In that moment the reality of motherhood grasped hold of me and I thought of how overwhelmed and restless I felt. This would all only be magnified when a new little one enters our house in mere months, while I trip over toys, run after a one year old, school my older children and wear my super-mom cape as I fly around the house. I could not imagine how she does it and still remains sane. I pondered for a moment so many women I know who hold in their loving arms child after child who they lovingly raise. Far better are they than I, for being able to care for and manage so many blessings.
Overcome, I then realized that every reality of motherhood and day in the trenches most often can easily be outweighed by the rewards of motherhood. The daily graces that I cling to and desire. Difficult days like these aren't forever and most often don't last, although they seem to pile up and feel like they never end. There are so many good days that are filled with enough moments and memories to fill the mommy scrapbook in my heart.
A peace and serenity came over me.
I looked down at the sleeping baby in my arms, inhaled her sweetness and kissed her one more time before laying her back in the crib. I watched her peaceful sleep and knew that sometimes we need to face the realities in order to more fully see and enjoy the rewards of motherhood.
Although it isn't always glamorous and perfect, this is my vocation and I wouldn't change a thing about my daily reality.
I closed the door and turned to face my other reality-a sharp jab in the behind.