Last week was a bit of a tough week. It was definitely the week of pregnancy announcements. I know that I am surrounded by family and friends who are in their 'fertile years', however, last week held some type of record in my book. From Friday to Friday, I found out about FIVE pregnancies!! Not kidding. Ok, so one of them was my dentist, but still it counts. The other four were two friends and two family members. Am I the only person who thinks this is not normal? Oh, and all of this in the midst of my own cycle again starting and realizing that another month has passed without conceiving(Excuse me for the TMI!). Rough week, indeed.
It was interesting that two of the pregnancies, the family members, I found out via Facebook. The first, my cousin's wife, is past her first trimester and they had just told family and then she shared it with the rest of us via Facebook. The second, a cousin, also posted some odd status on her Facebook account and from that I concluded that she was expecting and according to my calculations she's maybe 5 weeks along. And then, I found out that she had only found out the day before and then posted it FOR ALL TO SEE on Facebook the following day. I found that a bit, well, peculiar. Not exactly how I plan on making my announcement again one day. If I do announce via a social network, it will probably be after my first trimester and when I've personally told close family members. Ok, and I'll probably figure out a cute way to post it here too!!
Any way, this baby frenzy leaves a woman like me a bit traumatized and speechless. Trust me, lots of praying done on my end last week. I leaned hard on the Blessed Mother last week and my husband too. It's a week like that one, that can get a girl down. After each announcement from another blessed woman declaring her pregnancy, I rallied and I prayed. No tears were shed, but sadness and loneliness filled my heart. I will admit to you, there were many times that words of anger filled my mind and flowed from my mouth.
Please understand that these are not words of bitterness any longer as they may have been in the first year or two of this infertility journey, they were mostly words that cried out longing for when it would be my turn again. Not that these other women don't deserve it or that I am not happy for them, but I have patiently waited. I am saddened when 'my turn' again gets passed by and another month again passes. And then I hear of these other couples who 'are trying to have a baby' and within a few short months they share the news of a pregnancy.
I write this not for sympathy, but more for understanding. It's been awhile since I've posted on my infertility and there's been a post brewing in my heart, but I haven't figured out in my head just yet how it will be written. Last week's announcements left my heart a bit raw and I wanted to share it with you. This shall pass, I know it will. God will continue to lead and direct my path, wherever it may take me in the way of bringing more children into our home. Some days are a bit harder than others when pregnant bellies swarm in and surround me. Faithfulness to Christ and to the Church's teachings are tough to follow when my heart is aching and yearning for another child, but we will continue to be faithful and I know in the end that we will be richly rewarded. This week will be a better one and who knows what will come from this cycle. I continue to live in the present and embrace the grace that God gives me each and every day to fulfill my vocation as wife and mother faithfully.