Monday, March 1, 2010

Letting Go

This BIG box is sitting in my basement awaiting a springtime garage sale. This box is filled with baby and toddler clothing and the box on top holds several pair of toddler shoes. This box and those clothes have been a personal hurdle I have not been able to get over for at least two years. Until last weekend, I couldn't. I tried numerous times, but believe me, it just could not be done.

The overflowing bins of baby/toddler clothing in my storage room have been a source of pain and trauma for a long time. Although in my heart of hearts I knew that I would not ever need ALL of those clothes, even should we be blessed with a bounteous brood any time soon, I could not get myself to sort through them. If you've followed here for any length of time, you understand and you know how debilitating my heartache can be for me at times over my secondary infertility. The bins full of memories and tiny pink and blue outfits brought up such raw emotion each time I tried to tackle them, so in time I just put aside the job completely.

I did not get rid of every shred of infant reminders or every precious overall set, after all I still hold on to the hope that I will use them again. But there was excess and there are realities. Someone else really may be in greater need for these cute-as-a-button onesies and outfits. Who am I to hoard them and hold on to them? And no, I did not part with any pretty-in-pink or boy-in-blue that sparked any fond memories. For now, I still need those. I cannot completely let go. I am just one woman, after all.

This box, these clothes, are a reminder of grace. Suddenly, one day I finally held the emotion and the God-given grace to muddle through the bins. The place that I had avoided. Alone, I sorted and decluttered, shedding not even a tear. I was able to let go and I was able to look ahead, without fear of the unknown and without anxiety. How refreshing.


  1. Oh honey... you know I have been there!! I am so proud of you and yet wish I had known you were purging so I could have been interceding for you.

    We kept ONE bin of all of my absolute favorites - the ones that evoked such strong sense memories that I hugged the onesie and wistfully remembered, ones that they wore home from the hospital, or that were a gift from someone significant (as long as we LOVED it). I have told you that I hope to have a quilt made, but I am not ready for that. For now, I want to hope that they will be worn again. :)

    Love you.

  2. I don't know what to say, other than, WOW! How difficult that MUST have been:( But to do it without shedding a tear...God must have been carrying you through it. That is NO small feat, that's for sure. {{Hugs}} and prayers.

  3. Thank you sharing your journey, as painful as it has been. But to see how the Lord is working in your life, healing you, strengthening you—that is a powerful witness! God is in control. He knows. He suffers with you. He loves you!

    God bless you, Sarah.

  4. Oh, Sarah...I remember those days so well. Years later, I still have a few things. They will never be worn again, but they have special memories. Infertility...first or very difficult. Taking this step must have been hard. My prayers are with you.

  5. I'm really proud of you. I naturally tend to hoarde... letting go of the baby clothes and items makes me afraid I will forget important moments. I have to remind myself that is why I write and have so many photos. I got rid of 3 vanloads of things so far... it is hard, but in the end it is worth it to enjoy my home again. <3

  6. Oh, Sarah, this post brought tears to my eyes. As I get older, I wonder with each child, which will be my last. How hard it will be to go through it all.

    Good job Sarah, how healing I hope too.

    ((((big hugs!)))))


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