Friday, April 30, 2010

Hi Lo: April 30th


1. We enjoyed a model train show on Saturday as a family. It was in a city about an hour away, so we combined the trip with a whole lot of errands too. As we guessed, Jonah totally loved all the trains that surrounded him. We all did, really. My engineer boy also discovered the play area with the wooden trains and we spent a good portion of time playing there.

2. On Tuesday evening, Lily participated in her first piano recital. We were so proud of her and couldn't believe we had a daughter old enough to be performing! After only two months of lessons, she played every note perfectly for both of her songs, didn't appear nervous and did exactly as instructed when it was her turn. What a pro!

3. After arriving home after the recital, Lily asked me to give one last tug to her loose front tooth and ploop! out it came! She looks so darn cute with her little gap.

4. I did some shopping for summer clothes for myself on Saturday as well. Since I am slightly smaller than I was last summer and things are just fitting differently these days, I needed to make a few purchases to include in my wardrobe. Best part was that I used my money that I earned from the garage sale the previous Saturday and got a ton of great deals, so it was almost like FREE clothes!


1. Yesterday wasn't the best of days in the mommy department. Ever have those? It was just a rough day with the kids all around. Not sure if it was the dreary/rainy weather or if it was a delay of the full moon effect. Either way, *yuck*

How was your week? I hope you are enjoying spring time, wherever you are.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

My Favorite Saint

Tomorrow is the feast day of one of my favorite women, St. Gianna Beretta Molla. I think there are many reasons to fall in love with her example and life, but there are several reasons I have been drawn to her over the last couple years:

~she's a physician (and we know how many of those I have been seeing lately, so I can pray for their guidance to St. Gianna)

~she's a modern-day saint, having lived from 1922-1962

~she is a relatively 'new' saint, having been canonized in 2004

~she was a wife and mother

~I had this experience with her last summer

To read more about St. Gianna's life and story, read the Vatican's biography or more over at her official website.

There's even a coloring page for the kiddos over here.

Prayer to St. Gianna

Saint Gianna, heroically Christlike
wife, mother and physician,
I ask the help of your prayers,
as I strive to follow your holy example
in my physical and spiritual trials.
Help me, by your prayers, to recognize
the suffering of the Cross as the way to
pure and selfless love of God
and my neighbor.

Saint Gianna, pray for us always
that we may have a heart,
meek and courageous,
like the Heart of Jesus,
in Whom we find our
healing and strength.

We ask this through Christ our Lord. Amen.

~Archbishop Raymond Leo Burke~

Monday, April 26, 2010

Reason #78...

...why we love home educating.

The kids and I get to enjoy a random Thrusday morning at the park, taking in the beautiful scenery and breathing in the crisp spring air.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

New Arrival!!

Mommy Monkey just added to her barrel of monkeys!

Go congratulate this sweet mama on her new little one over here!

There's even a photo up already of Sweet Baby Girl in all her beauty.

Congratulations, Mommy Monkey and hubby on your new, precious little monkey!

Friday, April 23, 2010

Hi Lo: April 23rd


1. Kate was voted off Dancing with the Stars. Yes, seriously, this was a highlight of my week!

2. Lily lost one of her front teeth on Sunday. She looks so.darn.cute. Now we're just waiting for the other one to fall out soon.

3. We celebrated Jonah's 5th birthday with both sets of his grandparents and his godparents. He was showered with many a Thomas-related gift item and now he's cruisin' around on a brand new bike too!

4. Jonah's train cake that I created following this model, turned out! And birthday boy loved it!

5. The kids and I went on a field trip to a local bakery yesterday for a tour with our homeschool group. What a lot of work this couple pours into their work and business. We left with our purchases of various yummy rolls and donuts, homemade buns and bread dough. What a special treat!


1. Reed's cold was passed on to me and I've got the sore throat part of it along with the hazy, lazy part. Hope it passes soon.

2. The community ed. bracelet making class Lily and I were suppose to take last night ended up being cancelled. Bummer.

How was your week? Hope you are doing well. Have a wonderful weekend!

*Note: Has anyone noticed Jonah's smile lately? He seems to be taking after a certain uncle of his who smiles exactly the same way. Despite my best efforts, I cannot get Jonah to smile 'normal' these days. I'm hoping this is a passing phase.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010


For Today... 4.20.2010

Outside My Window... more beautiful weather that is absolutely ideal for running around with the kids and doing lots of yard work.

I Am Thinking... about how (relatively) easy and enjoyable Jonah's labor and delivery was and how I'd love to do that again a few times. Of course, I say this looking back at it 5 years later.

I Am Thankful For... time spent on the porch enjoying the beauty around me and my budding perennials poking out of the ground.

I Am Praying... for a safe delivery for Mommy Monkey and her healthy baby girl.

I Am Creating... plans for Jonah's 5th birthday tomorrow, which include a train cake that I will attempt.

Around The House... remnants of Easter decor and a lot less 'stuff' in my basement after getting rid of a whole bunch of it last Saturday at a garage sale. Woo-hoo!

From The Kitchen... no plans yet, besides a lasagna supper for Jonah's birthday guests; lots of simple meals and lunches that can be served picnic style.

From The Schoolroom... right now I'm in survival mode and just working on getting through the final weeks of school.

For The Rest Of The Week... Lily's piano lesson today; Jonah's big birthday tomorrow; tour at a local bakery with our homeschool group and then a comm. ed. course with Lily on Thursday; a model train show to check out on Saturday.

Lyrics In My Head... the same ones as last week. It's helping to build up my hope once again.

One Of My Favorite Things... the little 'date' that Reed and I get to go on every so often when we speak at a Marriage Course. We tend to most often despise the preparation time before it and knowing it's something we have to go and do, but always enjoy the driving time and couple of hours we get to share our story and marriage with young couples.

Picture Thought I Am Sharing...

Read more Daybooks here.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Overheard Wishes

While going for a walk and casting wishes into the breeze:

Lily: I wish for two more sisters and one more brother.

Jonah: You can't make the same wish every time!!

Lily: I have to or else it won't come true!

Jonah: Well, I wish for the biggest water park in the WHOLE WORLD in our yard.

Quite the difference in priorities I'd say.

If only we could click our heels and wishes would come true.

But then, think of all the life lessons we'd miss out on.

Friday, April 16, 2010

What Might Have Been (Part II)

(Read Part I here)

Monday Morning: I woke up to a new morning and went about rushing around in order to make the two hour trek to my 10:00 am appointment. I felt fine. I mean, besides being nervous of what the day's outcome would bring. Either way, I knew that I needed to trust in what God's answer would be that day and I knew if it was not the outcome I desired that I would have to muster up a whole lotta strength to get through this. Thankfully, Reed decided at the last minute to accompany me to my appointment. Before going out the door, I made one more bathroom stop. And there is was. I was spotting. I felt sick to my stomach. If I was not pregnant, this was not good. If I was pregnant, this was not good. I was caught in the middle. I told Reed and he remained hopeful and reminded me that we just needed to get to the appointment to find out the real answers. So we drove. I wasn't giving up hope yet. I just couldn't. Upon going in for my appointment, the nurse asked me the usual questions. Shortly, female Dr. K entered the room. She was sitting glancing over my lab results from Good Friday and then questioned what day of my cycle that was taken on. I told her and she looked at the numbers again. And then she grinned and almost giddy declared that 'well then it looks like you are pregnant'. I saw her smile, but I knew that I could not even will myself to break into that same smile, not yet.

She started making plans and throwing out numerous details. I'd get more blood drawn that day before I left in order to be sure that my hormonal levels were increasing over the last few days. I wouldn't have the results until tomorrow. I could do a urine pregnancy test there at the office and that would give us a better idea now too since the HCG should all be out of my body. I told her that I had been spotting this morning and didn't know what that meant. So off to the bathroom I went.

A bit later, Dr. K returned to the exam room minus the huge smile she had displayed earlier. It was accompanied by 'well, so the urine test was positive, but a weak positive so I'm not completely sure that you are pregnant but can't rule it out either'. That's when Reed spoke up. He knew that the only other time we had received a 'weak' positive was with our child we ended up miscarrying six years ago. It was a huge red flag and concern for him upon hearing it. I have known for months now that when I am finally pregnant one day, that I will undoubtedly need to have progesterone shots in order to maintain proper levels and get beyond the first trimester. Dr. K said that in order to be sure that if there was a baby that it was taken care of and given a chance to survive, I should get a progesterone shot that day. With a poke in my bottom and a promise for a phone call tomorrow with the lab results, I was on my way. No better than when I came, but no worse. The spotting seemed to have lightened and I was certain if it would just stop all together there would be a fighting chance that I would have received my hoped for miracle. This would be a long road, if there was one, filled with many blood draws and lab work, shots and checks. We could do this. We'd get through the coming weeks. If it came to that.

So, we drove home, me and my sore fanny with my dear husband. We made a few stops along the way, but eventually arrived home. I waited and prayed. I could hardly sit, that hurt. I could barely walk, I limped. I maintained an awkward position for the rest of the day in an attempt to alleviate the pain. This would all be worth it. The spotting had quit completely. All would be well again come tomorrow.

Tuesday: I spent the day feeling awful. Tired and weary. I walked through the day on edge and ornery, feeling like a zombie. The spotting had begun again, but only lightly. Surely I'd receive a call at any moment. We went about our day with no call. Before taking Lily to her late afternoon piano lesson, I called the clinic to inquire whether my results were in yet. They were busy and hadn't gotten to them yet. Of course not, I'd have to wait. Hours later, we returned from town with no message. No answer. Reed finally came home from work with a questioning look on his face, nope still nothing. Shortly after, the phone rang and it was Dr. K. Without words, I heard her tone and I knew what was coming. 'I'm sorry Sarah, your numbers dropped quite a bit. You are not pregnant. It doesn't seem to me that you ever were, so I don't think there's any chance that you may have miscarried early.' My heart fell to the floor and I held all of the emotion that swirled in my head. I only thought to blurt out that I didn't understand. I had been feeling awful. I didn't feel like myself. And then I was answered with a reminder on how much our psychological side can play a part in our physical. That perhaps the hopeful part about being pregnant had indeed led to my body behaving as it was and me believing that I had pregnancy symptoms.

After hanging up the phone, I think I felt my heart stop beating. I felt my world caving in around me. So dearly had I hoped. So strongly had I prayed. And then I leaned on my comforting husband and I wept. I went through such emotions of pain, sorrow, anger and confusion. Why did He pick me for this cross? I felt it stifling the very breath from me. That's the thing of it that can be so consuming: the what ifs; the what could have been; the unknown future; feeling of failure to yourself, your spouse, your family. The feeling that my body is broken and just won't work again.

It had been an emotional roller coaster in those five days and at that point I just wanted to get off. It was probably one of the toughest ones we have been on in the last four years. There were so many odds that seemed to have been defeated. So many things that could've made pregnancy possible. It should have, could have worked.

In the following days I took my time. I knew that in time, I'd feel like myself and my hopeful heart would mend. The words that kept passing in my thoughts were the words from the Thirteenth Station of the Cross:

'All you who pass by the way, see if there be any sorrow like my sorrow.
The tears are on her cheeks, and there is none to comfort her.'

I knew that I needed to wait patiently for all of the harsh feelings to settle. Like Christ's resurrection that I had anticipated, I needed to spend some time in the tomb before I could rise again.

No matter how hard I try, I cannot help but be hopeful. I cannot close a door, when their is still a glimmer of light shining through the small crack that it leaves open. I do know that adoption is an alternative. For us, we just aren't there yet. We are not in the place where we feel that we are being called to throw ourselves into that process. Maybe some day, but not yet. I also know that right now I can completely rely on my two Catholic physicians, who not only care for me physically but also spiritually and morally. I know that they are going to help me in every way possible to explore options and treatments for me that will help with conception and maintaining a healthy pregnancy.

In faith, I rest and rely on God's infinite goodness and His Divine Plan. I may see it completely different than He, but I try to remain patient as I wait humbly for everything to unfold. For today, I have the strength to do that. But it's hard to say what tomorrow will bring.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

What Might Have Been (Part I)

In response to this post, I've decided to give you a somewhat brief 'a day in the life of' version of what led me to that place. I write in all honesty, with the brief glimpse of what really goes on behind the picket fence that surrounds my corner of the world. It is not written for pity or out of my own selfish reason to share this information. I want to share in order to give insight to those of you who may not have had to journey the infertility/subfertilty road. I try to refrain from sharing about this topic too often here, but try to give you occasional updates along the way. I hope you understand. Read on only if you want the details.

I have to rewind just a little bit to get started. I did not share with you here that in the first week of Lent I visited my female Dr. K in a consult visit. It was there decided that since nothing has been working or has helped me reach the ultimate end goal, there may be a good reason to look into a diagnosis of endometriosis. That would be best confirmed through a laproscopy. It was also concluded that a referral to Pope Paul VI Institute in Omaha would be beneficial for me. My Creighton charting and my medical history over these last few years would be evaluated by Dr. Hilgers and he will hopefully be able to give more insight to a better diagnosis, with probable consideration given to me visiting PPVI for further treatment.

With that, Dr. K decided that while we wait on that whole process it would be fine for me to give Clomid another try, along with my HCG shots I receive four times during the later half of my cycle. At the end of that cycle, around 16 days after probable ovulation, I would get labs done to have my hormonal levels checked if there is positive pregnancy. With that information, we counted out the days and weeks ahead and made a decision that the timing of all of this would lead right up to Easter. And so I began a different type of lenten journey, praying and hoping that with the coming Resurrection I would receive my own Easter miracle.

Fast forward to Holy Week.

Good Friday: I went in to have my blood drawn for my post-ovulation labs. The numbers I received would indicate whether I had a positive pregnancy test. I became a little excited that I had even reached this day, since normally a new cycle would have begun and I would know the testing was negative and I would not have even had to have the labs done in general. I had made it! The possibilities only seemed to get better, if I could just make it a few more days.

We attended Good Friday service in the afternoon and after arriving back home I later received a phone call from my local care physician, male Dr. K. He asked whether my cycle had started yet and then jumped into 'because it looks like you're pregnant'. For a brief instant I had no idea what to do, but then I asked if he was sure because I've been getting the HCG shots and those would make my numbers elevated if there was any left in my system (this is also another reason I cannot take home pregnancy tests-they would give me a false positive due to the HCG shots). He then faltered a little and admitted that he couldn't be completely sure since I'm his first patient receiving the shots and he didn't know exactly what the numbers would look like with HCG thrown in there. He was encouraging though and said to wait it out over the weekend and hopefully nothing would happen and it would lead to a true pregnancy outcome.

I couldn't imagine getting through the weekend without bursting or without becoming too hopeful. I also lived in fear each time I went to the bathroom, afraid to even know whether a new cycle was starting. I wanted to hope so bad. I wanted an Easter miracle.

Holy Saturday: No signs of a new cycle. I had made it through the night. I kept myself busy, but in all of that I couldn't help thinking. I couldn't help praying that I just may be carrying a new child. Oh the possibilities! Oh the happiness it would bring! My heart could not help but be at least slightly optimistic and making plans for the future. I made it through the day.

Easter: Another night passed and I had made it to Easter morning. With the light of a new day, Easter day, all things seemed possible. I must be pregnant. I felt awful. I awoke early in the morning not feeling well. My sleep had been irregular for over a week. We went to Mass that morning and I didn't know if I would make it through. I was having heat waves, nausea and weak feelings. This had to mean something. We celebrated the day with family and I moved through the day keeping busy. I had almost made it through the weekend and tomorrow I had a scheduled appointment with my female Dr. K, two hours away. This was good. All would be revealed tomorrow. My heart began to drift millions of miles away in the distant's due date, baby names, who I would tell the news, how I would tell the news, how we would tell our children. All seemed hopeful.

To Be Continued tomorrow....

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Tuesday Daybook

For Today...4.13.2010

Outside My Window...some scattered showers for today after some thunderstorms hit last night. We could use a good rain to green things up around here.

I Am Thinking...that I can't watch Kate on Dancing With The Stars much longer. Sorry, I just HAD to watch, but Kate is REALLY driving me nuts.

I Am Thankful, hope & love. I've been sent an armload of it from so many different sources lately.

I Am Praying...that God brightens my path so I can see it and makes the journey ahead a little more obvious.

I Am Creating...plans for our last two Little Flowers meetings and our end of the year Tea/Picnic as a group.

Around The House...there are plenty of windows that were neglected last fall and could use more than a little cleaning. Just waiting for the perfect day and the time to tackle that project.

From The Kitchen...Pesto Chicken Penne; Chicken in Mushroom Sauce; Super Pizza Subs.

For The Rest Of The Week...Lily's piano lesson today; Little Flowers meeting & errands tomorrow; doing a garage sale with a friend and her family on Saturday.

Lyrics In My Head...'I've seen dreams that move the mountains..hope that doesn't ever end, even when the sky is falling..I've seen miracles just happen, silent prayers get answered..Broken hearts become brand new, that's what faith can do'

One Of My Favorite Things...McDonald's Mocha Frappe is my new drink delight. I even did some online searching for a recipe and tried creating one at home that turned out quite similar and yummy!

Picture Thought I Am Sharing...

Monday, April 12, 2010

Muffin Tin Monday

Thanks to Stacey's post last week about this fun lunch idea, we gave it a try today. And we all loved it! It's a great way to start out the week with something out of the ordinary and it's easy preparation as well as clean up too. With the spring/summer seasons upon us, I think this will quickly become a very fun way to enjoy our picnic lunches on the porch.

My kids are already asking for it next week again!

Our menu today:

American Cheese & Salami
Strawberry Cream Cheese
Mandarin Oranges

Boosting Up!

Because sometimes we rush things and sometimes we moms just forget about the lapse of time and suddenly realize there's a change that we should have made several months ago...

I suddenly realized last weekend that our children were both fully capable of being loaded into Booster seats using just the provided lap/shoulder belt in our vehicles. Lily already had a full-back booster with the lap/shoulder belt, but Jonah was still in the converter/booster seat with the harness straps. I simply had forgotten to check both my children's height and weight for some time to see that they met the new requirements.

I also found that both kids could be in those booster seats without the back, provided that the vehicles they ride in have headrests. They all do. So, both of my kids are riding in style like very official "Big Kids" in the back of our minivan.

Of course, changes lead to a mama reveling at the new stage and the ease in which car seat transfer will be made available between our two vehicles. It also is that faithful reminder of stages and phases that we walk along in the journey of motherhood.

And for Lily, it's just another reason to ask me when she can FINALLY ride without any type of additional seat.

All too soon, my dear.

But then, unless she goes through a major growth-spurt any time soon, it will be MUCH LONGER than she cares to know before she can make the big graduation.

I don't think she needs to know that right now though.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

When You've Got It, You've Got it....And When You Don't, You Just Don't

And right now, I just ain't got it.

It's been a tough week on the inside and when/if I'm ready to deal with that publicly and on the outside, you'll be one of the first to know.

But until then, your prayers are appreciated.

I know, what a cliff-hanger, huh?

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Baskets, Bunnies & Hunting

Our Easter Day in Photos!

We finally found the Easter baskets:

My Two Cuties on Easter Morning:

For my SIL who asked whether I would be blogging a photo of my dessert: *wink*

Let the Hunt begin! Aren't they cute?!

(Great-niece #1, Jonah, Great-niece #2, Lily)

On the hunt for Easter eggs:

I hope you and your family had a very Blessed Easter!

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