Where I've Been

**Editor's Note: Since publishing this post, I've gotten several comments of concern. Before you read this post, know that baby and mom are both doing well and resting at home.**

Tuesday morning started out like all the others, delirious and tired, but ready for the new day. Getting ready to hop in the shower I felt a sudden gush of fluid and thought I had a peeing accident. Upon checking I knew things were very different. Blood. It was surreal. I could not believe this was happening. In mere minutes, Reed was at my side, Dr. K was called and told me to get to ER, my in-laws were called to come stay with the kids who were still snuggled in bed. Disbelief filled my head. Panic and tears. This wasn't happening, couldn't be happening.

Within 20 minutes we were out the door. I grabbed my purse, my St. Gianna relic medal and my camera. If something went very wrong, I'd want to have it. But my mind was not going there. We were not giving up. This child is our little miracle, our blessing and it was counting on me not to give up hope. Arriving at ER, I walked in feeling completely fine. No cramping, not feeling sick, hungry if anything. Besides the bleeding, I felt like I shouldn't even be there.

My paperwork was ready to go since my doctor had called in letting them know of my arrival. I was escorted to a small room and the nurse began taking vitals, labs were drawn and I was in a hospital gown quickly. In appeared Dr. K and he talked with his reassuring voice, kept our hopes up and proceeded with caution and protocol. He listened for baby's heartbeat and almost instantly found it again. This was reassuring. Upon a physical exam, it was concluded that there didn't seem to be any other area that the bleeding was coming from up behind the placenta. That was good. Again Dr. K spoke with us laying before us what was possibly ahead of us and reminding us that unfortunately at 16 weeks if I delivered, there would be no chance for survival for baby. Before heading down to the ultrasound area, he asked if we should pray together. Not for the first time, I was reminded why we chose this physician, why we need this physician and why we are so blessed to have him supporting and guiding us. Tears filled my eyes as we prayed that God's will be done.

Our morning was again blessed with another wonderful staff person as the ultrasound tech cared for us very well. If nothing else, this whole episode granted us the chance to see our little one for the very first time. What a show-off! He/she was in there moving like crazy and kept moving their hand around reaching, waving, covering their face. Baby is completely fine. Measuring and looking exactly where he/she needs to be at this point. Again, good news.

The not so good news was that the ultrasound also revealed why I was bleeding. I have marginal placenta previa. Normally the bleeding would start due to a fall or something else traumatic that triggered it, but I had nothing in the days prior to it. I felt pretty much normal, no cramping, no pain, no spotting. If there is a good side, there is still a chance for the placenta to move up further as baby grows and would move away from the cervix causing the risk to be much less and for me to carry through pregnancy and allow for a normal delivery.

Due to the fact that I was still at least bleeding some, it was decided that I needed to stay in the hospital for observation. I was stationed in a room somewhere between post-op geriatrics and pediatrics. I felt so completely fine that I felt completely out of place. In order for optimal observation, I stayed overnight and was monitored. I was given numerous chances to hear baby's heartbeat again as they checked it. Sweet sounds to a worried mama. Baby has also decided to take the opportunity in the last day to make his/herself known and I'm feeling more and more little flutters as baby moves. I take each of these as sweet rewards and assurances that everything is going to be all right. And I pray.

I arrived back at home late this morning and I'm on household bed rest for the next week. I can be up and around at home, but need to rest and put my feet up often too. This is critical and important for baby and I, this much I know. BUT, I cannot help but feel worry and fear as it tempts to creep in. We're praying that changes come in the coming weeks and placenta and baby do move up. This would be a welcome blessing. I'm also praying that the small amount of bleeding does subside and that an episode such as this does not reoccur.

I will take this time to slow down and take it as a way of drawing us closer to God. I will also be honest in sharing with you that this is all tough for a 'planner' mama. A mom who has homeschooling to start next week, who has a September calendar filled to overflowing, who would like to be outside walking on the cooler days ahead. Yes, this is all for the greater good and I need to do all that is possible to make this a restful time for mine and baby's safety and health.

I come here again asking for your prayers because I know that you are women (and perhaps men) of faith who I need so desperately to storm heaven with prayer. Thank you in advance.


**Here's your bonus to making it to the end of this very lengthy post: Baby photos!