Thursday, September 9, 2010
What I've Learned
**Otherwise titled: Thoughts From The Couch (and by couch I mean the couch in my living room, not the cushy couch in a doctor's office. Just so you know.)
Life is different here. Days are unique in our home. And that is okay. It's just gotta be for now.
Perhaps no exciting revelations from my little corner of the world, but spending this much time resting and just 'being' allows for more thought than a normal day as a wife and mom might.
Hope and Pray. Of course I knew how much both of these were an important and meaningful part of my daily life, but they've become even more of a source of strength. It took us four years of struggling to begin a new life within me and if I learned anything, I learned hope. Despite many uncertainties during that time, I could not lose hope and trust that God would see us through. Last week as we drove to ER, I faltered and questioned, but I knew that I could not give in and give up hope for this child. In the days that have followed, I have drawn on that hope and faith so that each day seems brighter and more manageable.
Life is Precious. Again, obvious. But with each time that I hear the sweet heartbeat of our little one and feel the little flutters, I realize just how precious that gift is. Oh how we all have fallen in love with this child! My time on the couch resting is for baby as well as for myself. It decreases risks to both of us immensely. I know that it is necessary. From here, I also see differently my growing children. They are able to adapt and move through their day needing me only minimally. I get to just watch them play and converse in their own little world with their toys because I am not rushed in the to-do's of daily life. Almost nothing goes unnoticed or under appreciated. From here, I can see it all. (Well, except for the pantry and refrigerator which seem to be Jonah's go-to places these days since he is ALWAYS hungry)
I am Blessed. There are more things laying on the floor than I normally can tolerate, my dining room table is full of the temporary residents of Little People-ville and the weather outside my window is dreary. But, I am blessed. Although the children don't quite understand the full meaning of my time of bed rest, they are doing their best. Quarreling seems to be at a minimum, restlessness barely evident and whining seems to be in check. We are surviving. My husband is being as devoted as always, sacrificing as necessary and doing his best to care for all of us in addition to returning back to work. Although things around home aren't done perfectly (read: MY way), I'm okay with that since they are done with perfect love. In the end, some of it just doesn't matter, does it? We are blessed to have family who live close enough that have supported us through many small ways and bigger ways too. None of that goes unnoticed when mom is out of commission. Gratefully blessed, we certainly are!
Time marches on: With each day that passes, it has turned into a week and into another week that baby is doing well. Each week will lead us to week 20 when we will have another ultrasound to check if the placenta previa has improved and we'll be half way! My oldest 'baby' will find her seventh year coming to a close and I will quickly have an eight year old in my household. Jonah is not so much my 'baby' any more with our new baby on his/her way. I've spent five wonderful years seeing and treating my little man as my forever baby. He's ready to grow up and finally, with a new arrival on the distant horizon I am ready to let him. Reed and I celebrated our ninth anniversary this past week and in so many ways it is unbelievable that we are nearly to year ten. We are already thinking about next year's anniversary and perhaps a small family trip in-state that will allow our family of five to spend time away together. And time marches on.
Finally, I've also been contemplating a few words that were a part of the prayer that Dr. K prayed with us in the ER: 'if this has happened in order for us to stop and draw us closer to You, then use this time to be reminded of Your presence in our lives' (or something close to that effect). May this time be sent to us as a gift to strengthen our bond with God, as well as in our family.
Things are all but normal around our house for the next couple of weeks at least, but we're adjusting. We are all in some way preparing for a new life in our household and God's just being sure that we keep that in mind.