As the years have passed, May 14th is a little easier, as is December 18 which was the due date for our child. The memory of that day though is etched in my mind as much as the feelings of loss ever are. The loss is always a difficult one for me to grieve because had we not lost Natalie, we wouldn't have Jonah. He was conceived just two months after our miscarriage. I couldn't ever trade one child for another, but it reminds me inevitably that one child cannot replace another. Each human being is wonderfully made and a unique design. How awesome is God's plan for creation!
Natalie is still remembered as a part of our family. Sometimes in daily conversation with our kids, each Christmas as we hang her ornament on the tree, each summer as I tend the flower garden in her honor and each day as I pass her Certificate of Life hanging in our family room.
Today marks a day of loss for our family, but also as a gain to the precious little soul that surely awaits us beyond the gates in Heaven. As her mother, I know that she is watching over me and knows how my mother's heart still aches to see her and to hold her. I so often picture her in Mary's sweet embrace with all of the other little children that so many of our family and friends have lost in death and miscarriage. We have quite the group up there in Heaven waiting for us!
I hope to be with my little one one day and find out if she was indeed a Natalie or perhaps a little Nathan instead. But for today, we will find a way to honor her by doing something special for 'Natalie's Day'.